For the past month or so, I’ve had nagging back pain which sometimes went from really bad to just an annoying ache. My oncologist says anytime a “new” pain comes and lasts more than two weeks, I am to call and find out what’s up. I called a few times and every time my doctor was quite certain it was only muscular, but to call back if it didn’t improve.
I kept putting off calling my doctor back. Partly because my friends were coming in town to visit and I was having my party, and partly bc I was frightened of what it might be. February is a tough month for me. Last year at this time, I knew something was wrong with my breast, but everything statistically said I would be ok. And I was totally caught off-guard when I wasn’t ok and was told I had cancer. This was the worst kind of deja-vu.
One of my most common places for breast cancer to recur is in the bones, and the spine being one of those places it likely could set up shop. So anytime back pain appears, it’s scary and takes my mind to a bad place of what may be causing the pain.
This week I could no longer handle the stress of the unknown and took a day off from work to see my oncologist. She took a blood test and said I needed to get a CT scan of my spine to see what was going on. She also wanted X-rays of my ribs since they are still sensitive from radiation treatment. I made the appointment for as soon as humanly possible (which was today) bc I needed to get this over with. “Scanxiety” is real and awful for anyone who has had cancer. The waiting before and after the scan and for the results sucks.
Luckily my results only took a matter of a few hours, and it’s ALL CLEAR! I cried a few tears of relief and now I can exhale and move on with my day and life until my next tests in a few months.
So many people who have had cancer said being a “survivor” can be the toughest part. They aren’t kidding. In some ways chemotherapy was easier. Sounds crazy, I know. But the unknown is terrifying. The “good” news is my body is just really beat up from all the treatment and I need to take it a little more easy on myself. It’s still difficult to admit and handle how my body has changed and the physical limitations I now have.
My doctor told me to get a rolling backpack/bag instead of carrying a big purse. To that I say: HELL NO. I’d rather live in pain.
So far, everything is ok. You know what would be an awesome way to celebrate (since I can’t go out and get wasted)? A donation to the Triple Negative Breast Cancer Foundation.
Break out your wallet. Here you go: http://tnbcfoundation.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=1039337&supid=375289482